Thursday night was so good. I spent time with a group of local women writers. Creativity and talent was everywhere. I was out of the house, surrounded by other writers who were ready to connect and grow. But I wasn’t being careful. I started to compare. All day Friday I was in a funk. My motivation was gone. I felt like I had a million things that needed to get done, and no motivation to even get started, much less finish a task. It’s not the length of my to-do list that gets me down; it’s the feeling of worthlessness that goes along with it. I know I’m not worthless, but I start to feel like anything I attempt to do is not good enough. And it doesn’t make me think “this isn’t good enough, I should try harder” but “I’m not good enough, I shouldn’t try at all.”
I’ve been enthusiastically blogging for a few weeks but suddenly I was too intimidated to even begin a post. I spend some of the evening really thinking and praying about this feeling. I realized I was comparing myself to all the people I had just met. This is never a good idea. Sometimes I feel like I’m more (this makes me ugly on the inside) and sometimes I feel like I’m less (this makes me give up.) It really is a no win.
I whined to Jason about my feelings of inferiority so he could give me a pep talk. And while his support is always appreciated, this time it took a little pep talk giving inside myself to feel better. I don’t struggle with this very often. Thankfully. I know I’m too much for some people, but I am who I am.There’s a lid for every pot.
There’s enough room in the pool for everyone.