Monday, April 2, 2012

In like a lion out like a lamb

In like a lion, out like a lamb.
I remember the picture for March on the calendar bulletin board when I was in the 3rd grade.  A roaring lion and leaves that swirled angrily across the construction paper backing until they settled peacefully around a fluffy white lamb.  I found it to be very dramatic.  March was like that for me this year.  Not so much concerning the weather (sunny and 70) but inside my home.  Maybe inside myself is more accurate. 

March started out kind of dark.  For six months I had been on a honeymoon with my new baby.  Six months of him and I doing everything together.  Six months of smiling at each other, cuddling, nursing, talking and listening.   Then I started to realize I was missing and that’s a very unsettling feeling.  I liked my life and who I was before I became a mother.  I know I’ll never really get her back, but I don’t want her to completely disappear into a nursing bra wearing, dirty hair ponytail reflection of herself.  I know it’s best for Ty and Jason that stay my own person. 

So last month I was kind of on a quest to find myself.  I spent some time by myself while Ty was with Grandmama.  I wore make-up every day!  (Well only a few times, but I wanted to wear make-up every day.)   Most of all I cut myself some slack.  Everyone knows mothers need to be perfect and by seeing myself as only a mother I was setting myself up to feel like a failure, because I am far from perfect.  I also took a big step and opened up in my blog.  I received tons of support and a lot of “I feel that way, too.”   Thank you.

In like a lion, out like a lamb.  Yep, pretty much sums it up. Looking forward to spending the rest of spring as a mother, wife, friend, blogger and fluffy white lamb. 

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