More Thoughts on Comparing...

   I have loved becoming more and more involved in the blogging community.  So many other ladies being mommies, wives, writers, gigglers, encouragers.  When I have a few “me” minutes I wander around this world and find myself excited and smiling.  Then I return home and I feel the air begin to leak out of my balloon.  Thoughts about never being enough and just plain “nobody likes me” start to float around in my head.  I try my best to combat this despair by remembering everybody has to start somewhere and I just have to keep working at it.

   But is this true?  If I just keep at it will I become like them? Maybe.  Maybe not.  I want to find the place where doing my best and enjoying myself is enough.  Like wearing a hat just because I like it.  Why do I blog? I blog because I want to create something that entertains.  I want to laugh.  I want to connect to people through the written word. I want to launch a writing career.  And if I’m completely honest I want the “Cool Kids” of the blogging world to like me.

   Of course when I read this list, I see the one that’s not so healthy.  Comparing myself to the “Cool Kids” wasn’t a good idea in middle school, and it’s not a good idea now.  So that’s where I am.  Working on finding comfort, enjoyment, and validation in the work I do. I’ve been surprised at the number of people who have given me positive feedback on this thing I’m attempting to create.  (Thank you!)  But this comparison thing has to be fixed on the inside.  And I’m working on it.  Struggling with it.  I’m trying to believe “just being me” is enough, because honestly, I can only pretend to be what I wish I was for so long.