Today I am starting out on a journey. A weight loss journey.
There I wrote it and publicly published it on the internet. The forever and ever internet. This is a scary thing for me to write and share.
It is scary for so many reasons, but the number one reason I am afraid to tell y’all about all of this:
I do not want to be that girl.
That girl who is always talking about how much she weighs, how fat she looks, how big she feels. I do not want to be someone who is constantly focused on what she has or has not eaten. What size she does or does not wear.
As a teenager and a young adult, I spent a lot of time watching and listening to ladies who were constantly critiquing their food choices and their dress sizes. To say they had body issues would be an understatement. Unfortunately, they rubbed off on me a little and between that and a turbulent, up and down, teenage relationship, I ended up with some pretty unhealthy habits concerning food (read: eating disorder.)
I got some help and got healthy. I know it was a literal act of God and I was set free from all the dangerous food bondage I had been living with.
I GOT FREE AND I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK!
I remember the first time I realized I was free. I was about 25 and I was making my bed when it just hit me: “Food didn't control me anymore!” I didn't obsess about it anymore. I didn't judge myself based on it anymore. I tried to make good choices, but for the most part, I ate what looked good. And I was just about at my goal weight. I was happy with my size and I got there without even thinking about food.
It the time, I was a flight attendant and I ate a lot of really yummy hotel cheeseburgers, not a lot of fast food and I drank a lot of water. My job was very physical. I pushed a 300 lb beverage cart up and down a hill several times a day and I walked a ton. I was happy and living a fun life with very little stress.
Now I find myself with a 2 ½ year old and a 1 year old. My body has been through a lot and done some pretty amazing things. From conception until weaning, mothering is largely physical in the sense that my body literally loves, sustains, nourishes and mothers my children. After 31 months of continuously breastfeeding, I am almost at the end of the physical phase of mothering. (I am letting Emily Grace self-wean, but she is less and less interested in nursing every day.)
I came to terms with the fact that it is time I take back control of my body, but I found myself completely lost, confused and overwhelmed at the thought of losing weight. But I remembered I have a friend who is a Beach Body coach and is really good at this stuff. It took me almost a week to reach out and ask for help. I sent her a message on Facebook and quickly shut the computer. To be honest, it took a lot of courage for me to ask for help, but I am so glad I did. We got together over the internet and I found the two things I was looking for: hope and wisdom.
Rebekah is a military wife, breastfeeding mama with four children and heart that chases after the Lord. She knows what is truly important in life. I opened up and shared my fears with her and she was so gracious. We also talked about my goals. My goals are not to lose X amount of weight or be able to run or lift or squat. My goals are to breastfeed until the baby self-weans and keep a healthy relationship with food as I lose weight.
She recommended I read the book Made to Crave and we talked about a few of the programs that Beach Body offers that would be good for me and I decided on Shaun T’s Rockin’ Body and Hip Hop Abs. I picked this program solely based on the fact that it looked fun. If exercise is suppose to be “me” time then it better be “fun” time. I haven’t received my challenge pack yet. It should be here this week and I’m excited about getting started.
I have already begun reading Made to Crave and Rebekah was right, it is exactly what I needed to show me the way to control what I eat without letting what I eat control me.
I’m right at the beginning, but I am hopeful about the journey.
If you want to talk to Rebekah, check out her blog here.
Click on this picture to connect with Rebekah on facebook!